


fall in love with no fright

by yutakoball



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Second Person, Platonic Soulmates, Yumark - Freeform, ish, mark make him happy, mentions of dotaeteniljohn but very little, yuta sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 06:24:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutakoball/pseuds/yutakoball
Summary: what if love was personified? what would you think it has to say about its experience with humans?here is what love has to say about yuta, a heartbroken man.





	fall in love with no fright

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this story whilst listening to a playlist; you can listen to it [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/48AdUjxwvfhYxzEWDGBdwX?si=FCBevUlFS3-SJZIJWVJuhQ)
> 
> also!! this story has been translated to chinese over on weibo by 温柔是非必要条件 aka Min! you can check that out [here](https://m.weibo.cn/status/4431684122114704?)
> 
> it's also translated to russian by the lovely Lucy which you can check out [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/8931442/22820963)
> 
> dedicated to all my yumark enthusiasts <3

My, oh my. 

You’re hurt, aren’t you?

The shards of your, now, broken heart pokes your aching soul as you lie in bed. Your mind runs at a million kilometres per hour, thoughts of nothing and everything slamming themselves against your skull. It causes your chest to tighten, your eyes to water and your lips to quiver. You subconsciously pull the blanket closer to your body as a way to mask your vulnerability to the world; though there’s no one else to see you this way. 

No one. Not one single soul. 

_ Is that why? _

The fact that the thought of someone else seeing you so weak, so hurt is despicable because the natural judgemental nature humans tend to have for others absolutely scares you. They could say so much to you, about you. You’re already so fragile and so frail the demons in your head; why succumb yourself to the demons around you?

But that’s not what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about that small minority that are willing to look pass your tears and irrational thinking. To look pass that vulnerability and see you for the broken soul that you are; giving you the reassurance that everything will be okay again. To be the calm of the raging storm, you seek for that one person who’ll take your hand and shelter you from the booming thunder of overwhelmed pressure and strikes of unrealistic expectations from both others and yourself.

And that’s why you’re so damaged; because the one person that provided that warmth for you, just left. You never knew the reason why they did but you just know deep in your heart that it was your fault, even if they said it really had “nothing to do with you”. As if to make it worse, they broke it to you over text and then proceeded to block your number after the ordeal. You’re discarded as they’ve probably already moved onto the next. You remain stagnant in your bed, all your days spent thinking and reflecting for the next three weeks.

You cut off almost all contact with the people you know. Said to yourself that they reminded you too much of this person. You quit your job, stopped your hobby of dancing and even forced yourself to stop craving for your favourite sweet treats handmade by your childhood best friends.

Oh, darling. Things hadn’t been easy, huh? 

I’ve got to admit, it hurts seeing you like this. You’re someone who’s so full of life; a beautiful human being inside and out. The owner of an ethereal smile that shines like the stars that guide the darkness of the nights of the people who love you. You bring warmth to the people around you with your nature yet able to captivate people with your charisma at the same time. Your sense of humour is witty and though some jokes weren’t delivered as well as others, it’s enough to lift any moody situation to a lighter one. 

You are truly so beautiful, but then to see everything be ripped away from you because of this is heartbreaking; knowing I could do nothing but wait. 

I could only watch as you painfully dragged yourself out of your bed at 4 in the afternoon to make a cup of coffee and order takeout for breakfast. On better days, you managed to take showers that lasted for 40 minutes and more crying sessions would happen there. But if not, you’d just go back to bed and binge watched your favourite shows for the nth time before spending the odd hours of the night staring into the starless sky you call your ceiling. 

I truly could do nothing as much as I wanted to. 

And it’s even harder now because you don’t even _ believe _ in me because of what one situation has caused you to feel about me. I can apologise all I want, but in your eyes, it’ll just take another miracle for you to forgive.

With that I say; take it easy, darling; for the prettiest of flowers will bloom after the coldest of winters.

** _-_ **

What you didn’t know was that someone new is going to come into your life.

The fourth week will come and it’ll start the way the past three weeks had started for you. But on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, your doorbell will ring and you’d answer it, expecting the takoyaki delivery you ordered but instead being greeted by an individual you hadn’t met before. 

This person will be wearing an oversized black hoodie with the hood up, but you can still see his messy brown hair peeking through. He stands just slightly shorter than you. His round glasses hung low on the bridge of his nose and framed his face very nicely, which was flushed (and very cute) for some reason. He clears his throat and hands you a brown paper bag with both of his hands (mainly covered by the sleeves of the hoodie except for his fingertips). You look back up at him, confused.

** _“Hey, um. I’m Mark. I just moved into the unit next to you and uh, yeah, I thought I’d say hi to my new neighbour with brownies, you know? Haha, I’m not a very good baker so I just bought them at the bakery nearby. I hope you don’t mind.”_ **

Did I mention that he’ll have a low, velvet-like voice that sounds like smooth butter to your ears? And that the more you look at him, the more you realise how cute he looks? The way his eyes hold a little bit of glint in them as they look into you as they get smaller as he smiles at you? Not only that, but did you notice how his cheeks are dusted with a darker pink shade of blush as he softly giggles at your rambled apologies of not looking presentable with your loose black shirt and maroon sweatpants?

Oh, how your stomach will flip! 

After exchanging very brief introductions, you cut the conversation short by telling Mark you were busy (re: you weren’t, let’s be real. you just didn’t want to talk). Once you closed the door, you let out the longest exhale of breath as if you’ve been holding it in for the entire duration you were talking to your new neighbour but end up shrugging the interaction off. You wouldn’t think about it much at first, continuing with your regular schedule for the rest of the days. Sometimes, however, you do find yourself thinking about the brunette next door but the thought of him vanishes the second it came. 

That is, until the doorbell rings on a Saturday night on the following week and you find yourself standing face-to-face with the boy next door once more. You’ll curse yourself mentally for wearing almost the same thing as you did the first time you met him. You _ really _didn’t want to be bothered that night, but still choose to give him a half smile to be polite. This time, Mark is wearing a plain white tee with loose black pants and matching windbreaker over it. He doesn’t bring anything with him and you looked at him, desperately trying to ignore the gentle sparkle he always seems to have in his eyes.

** _“Uh sorry to disturb you but I, um, just got back from classes and met up with my mum who sent some food for dinner. I think she gave me way too much though, so I was thinking maybe you maybe wanna, um, join me? It’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to though but it’s just I keep seeing you order takeout and-” _ **

** _“Mark, I’d like to join you for dinner. You’re right, I’m getting quite tired of takeout so a change of pace would be nice. I’ll just go get changed first, yeah?” _ **

** _“A-ah! Okay! I’ll go set up the table then. See you, Yuta-hyung!” _ **

Once again, you close the door letting out a breath, you didn’t even know you held, not knowing what you just did. Was it just to shut him up? I mean, he _ was _rambling and it’ll just be a dick move to say no. So, yeah. Just a sympathy thing. 

_ Sure, jan, if that’s what you say _. 

You’ll walk into Mark’s unit wearing an oversized white button up top and jeans with little to no expectations. It still feels a bit weird since it’s the most dressed up you’ve been for quite some time. Brushing your long black hair back, you sat down in front of a blushing mess you call your neighbour and started on dinner. 

To say it was one of the best meals you’ve ever had is an understatement. The home cooked meal filled your stomach no takeout could. To add on, Mark’s flat unit has a very homely atmosphere. It’s really cozy and designs were kept very simple. You find yourself learning more about Mark as the night goes on, and actually being interested in what he has to say. 

You walked out of dinner learning several things about Mark:

  1. Mark is four years younger than you
  2. He goes to the nearby university as a music major. He likes to rap.
  3. Apparently his friends say he’s a lot more mature and serious when he’s working. Very much an over-achiever and would go to the ends of the earth to get he wants when it comes to his goals.
  4. His mum comes over sometimes to check that his apartment is still in one piece.
  5. Mark is from Canada and moved to Korea with his family several years back.
  6. He tends to start clapping really wildly or even bang the table once he starts laughing really loudly at a joke or comment you make he finds funny
  7. If he doesn’t laugh really loudly, he usually lets out a little giggle. He likes to scrunch up his nose when that happens. And it’s a lot of times.
  8. Mark has a really nice talking voice. It gets a lot more deeper and raspier when he’s tired.
  9. His eyes are a really, really pretty shade of brown. They have so much shine to it.
  10. Mark’s smile is very captivating. Didn’t realise he has dimples but now you take note of them each time he smiles.

Before you left, Mark told you he liked having your company and that you’re fun to be around with. He even said that maybe you guys should hang out at your place next time, to which you found yourself instantly agreeing with. You found yourself thinking about the dinner and more specifically, how ** _good_ ** it made you feel. A feeling you hadn’t felt in a long, long time and now that you had a taste of it, you craved for more. 

More time goes by as you develop a closer friendship with Mark. Since the dinner, both you and Mark had more dinner and sometimes even lunch together. But more often times than not, Mark had come over to your house several times for the most random and odd things other than to hang out. These include, but are not limited to: asking if you have a ceramic tea cup set that he never gave back (have no clue why you had it either), giving you a variety of different pastries to try (bought from the same cafe when he bought the brownies) and at one point just knocked on your door at 2 in the morning to give you a song recommendation. 

One of those instances that will forever be ingrained in your mind, however, would be when Mark just finished his mid-term exams. He came over right after the last paper was over to hang out at your place and asked if he could play some songs. The second he puts the CD into the player, Mark’s charismatic rapping starts surrounding the 4 walls surrounding us. 

As a celebration of finishing his exams, he made ** _you _ **a personal mixtape of his songs to see how you would like it. To say that you are touched by the gesture is an understatement, considering the fact that you teared up and gave the boy a huge hug.

** _“Tell me if this is too much for you, hyung. I know it’s a little bit excessive, considering we just became friends. I just _ ** ** _really_ ** ** _ want to be your friend.”_ **

** _“Mark, can you for once just shut up? It’s supposed to be your celebration and yet you did this for me? I swear, you are so weird because we ARE already friends, dumbass! _ **

** _I don’t know if you realise it when we first met, but I was at an extreme low part of my life. I was heartbroken and every waking day felt like a survival to live. When you came around, it’s like a huge shift in my life. You painted my monochrome world with the brightest of colours and have taught me so much. You really managed to remind me just what being happy feels like,”_ **

You see Mark shifts his gaze slightly and you instantly put your hand on his shoulder as a signal that you’re not done. 

** _“Mark, I don’t mean to sound like I’m only depending on you to feel happy. That’s way too much, even for me. _ **

** _But it doesn’t change the fact that things are just a lot easier to handle when you’re around.”_ **

With all these occurrences, you obviously started to become more aware over the fact that Mark could be banging on your door at literally any time of the day. So as time progresses, you find yourself cleaning up the house a lot more often. This allows you to have a gradual change in sleep schedule that allowed you to wake up early, like you used to, to start the day productively. And for extra measures, you also took the extra time to tidy yourself up too. Because of this, you then slowly found your style and what you feel comfortable and good in; which includes deciding against the idea to chop off the long hair since it looked really nice tied up. 

_ (Also because it feels really nice to have Mark comb through your hair when you lay on his lap during movie marathons but that’s a story for another time hehe) _

Your new-found style (and subconscious change in lifestyle) gives you a boost of confidence. However, no matter how much you wanted to put yourself back out there, the thought of facing everyone once again absolutely terrified you. You were scared of how they would react, what they would say or even worse, if they’d forget about you completely.

_ They’re probably furious at me for disappearing just like that. _

But it seemed like Mark only took note of the positive progress you’ve made over the cost of the time you were friends and wanted to take this chance to finally go out and explore the town instead of just hanging out in the compounds of the apartment complex for months on end. It’s like a congratulations trip AND an adventure at the same time! (Or so he says)

_ I didn’t even bother to contact them back. _

** _“Hyung, it’ll be so much fun! I heard the food fair doesn’t come around that often so it’s definitely a must to go!!” _ **

** _“I don’t know, Mark.. I kinda don’t want to see people I know there..”_ **

_ They all probably just left. _

** _“... You know they won’t be angry, right?”_ **

** _“.. Huh?”_ **

_ Just like he did. _

** _“Yuta, I don’t know what you were dealing with when I first met you. All I knew was that you were empty and broken. But it doesn’t mean that when you chose to cut off contact with the people you love, they did the same,” _ **

Mark took a breath.

** _“Remember when you told me that your manager at the flower shop willingly let you go because of some issues? Well I went over to get some fresh roses for my mum and Doyoung-hyung I think was his name? Instantly started asking me how you were. I’m guessing he knows me from the hyungs at the bakery. I said you were making great progress and hyung, if you saw the way he teared up at the mere mention of that, I wouldn’t know how you would react. He said that your spot is still open. Always has been. For you._ **

** _Speaking of the bakery, remember that one point where I sent you this huge tray of pastry goods? Well, Johnny and Taeil hyung asked me to give them to you but not to tell you about it. I spent some time talking to them and they told me how much they missed your cat-like tendencies of just stealing the pastries they make long after the bakery’s close and it was only the three of you. _ **

** _Taeyong and Ten hyung? The 2 young dance instructors teaching at my school? They came up to me one day and asked about you too. Said they overheard me talking about you to one of my friends, Jeno. They told me anecdotes about how great of a dancer you are and that whenever you feel the need to just let go, the studio is always open for you. _ **

** _All of them have their arms wide open for you ever since you disappeared, hyung. They stayed and waited until you were ready to come back to them because they love you and they understand that you were in pain. I don’t know who hurt you so bad to the point you had to believe that you lost love from people that matters the most, because that is not the case at all. _ **

** _And if you follow me tonight, I will show you just how loved you are by the people who never gave up on you. _ **

** _So, are you in?”_ **

** _-_ **

I turned back to you, right now, who’s staring blankly at your kitchen counter, coffee mug in hand as you wait for your takeout delivery to arrive on a rainy Wednesday afternoon. A feeling of amusement comes to mind as I watched your body continuously slump lower and lower as the clock ticks.

Yep, today is the day. Your life is going to change when the doorbell rings in about 5 minutes. 

Nakamoto Yuta, you will have a second chance of experiencing love that broke you so deeply the first time in a whole new light. You will learn that your perspective of the world is very much one dimensional. A monochromatic, colourless world that you desperately tried to colour all these years but didn’t know how to. 

All because of a certain ‘99 liner brunette boy whose life is filled with the brightest colours of them all, decided that brownies are the way to go at introducing himself.

How do I know all of this? Am I Death? God? Something in between?

Well, no, not quite.To put it simply, I’m the complex feeling that every human being in the world is perplexed about yet at the same time craves for. 

I am the embodiment _**LOVE**_.

I hope you take this next chance as an apology from me, for making you feel so much pain and heartbreak the first time around. And as much as I would love to have a dream world where everyone is satisfied and are happy with this feeling, the lows of life are needed for one to finally realise that love does not exist in just one person nor is it found in just one from. In fact, the greatest thing about love is that it exists all around and in many different forms.

This time, love is found in the form of Mark Lee for Yuta, who eventually found the love from the rest of his friends whom he thought he lost through his heartbreak.

Listen. 

Feel.

Accept.

Continue.

And I hope you now may _ fall in love with no fright. _

…

Speaking of which, the doorbell just rang. 

Now shoo! 

**Author's Note:**

> sooo a different writing style, eh? hehe it's been a while! i got really inspired by mitch albom's writing in the magic strings of frankie presto and wanted to make my version of it!! i hope it wasn't too complicated to understand nvjksakjsan yumark has been my top 2 ults since last year and to see them be so close got me very inspired so i really hope you like it!! if you have any questions about this story please don't hesitate to comment or ask me on my cc hehe. 
> 
> also i need to stop posting at 3 am i've been writing for more than 6 hours now so i REALLY hope you like it pls :')
> 
> let's chat!!  
[twt](https://twitter.com/yutadotes)  
[cc](https://curiouscat.me/yonytaeil)  



End file.
